It's 6:45. I'm waiting for Beth to pick me up 'cause I'm going to go running. I'm tired. My eyes itch and I haven't worn these shoes in a long time. The sweat pants have a big hole in the butt, it's probbably cold outside. The lake is about one mile around, I'm going to be halfway dead at 7:00. It's 6:48.

-BRiAN

MY SISTER IS DOING SO AWESOME! I AM SO HAPPY! I LOVE YOU ERIN! GOD IS DOING AMAZING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!

What a day! Wow, lots happening. First of all.. I GOT THE JOB AT PLAYERS! Woo! I'm going to meet with Glen, the manager on Tuesday and I'll probably start Thursday. I am so happy I got the job. Man, am I a big panzy for not trusting God? Yes, I am. That was such a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I forgot to say what I'll be doing. Glen had Jeff talk to me about my personality and how he was worried that if he put me in the back then I would feel stifled. With this in mind, he decided that I, and I quote "Would be a great host." I was SO stoked to hear that! I'd LOVE to be a host! My job will be making a great first impression and maintaining good communication with the customer right off the bat (among other things). I am going to love doing this job. At least, right off the bat. I know that down the line it'll get to be not such a great job blah blah blah, but for now I'm happy. Anyway, enough about Players.

So today Chris, Jeff and I did our first "CCBW" job. CCBW stands for Central Coast Business Works, that's our company :). We're installing the network and phone system at a shop that installs "headers" for "cars" and "trucks". First of all, I thought that when we went over there today we were just going to meet with the owner, Dan, to talk about the job. So I dressed in dress type dress (I was out of skirts). I'm wearing my black pants, striped shirt and the cool shoes I bought myself. I'm going to keep 'em dirty so I can take a picture of how nasty they looked. We ended up running cable all up in the ceiling and everything. There was DUST and RUST and NASTINESS everywhere, I was completely filthy in .25 seconds. Outrage, total outrage. Then I got over it. So, tomorrow we're going to wrap things up and wait for them to finish the construction part of their office so we can finish the job. So, reviewing, got the Players job, did my first CCBW job, job job job! Yay! Income once again. What a day!

-BRiAN

I go running tomorrow.. gah.

When you are content to be alone, you can be truly happy with someone else. I don't know where I read or heard that but it's true. And it's not. I'm content to be alone until I meet someone I could be truly happy with. This is my weakness. I don't really struggle with depression or anxiety, but like everyone else I get that ache in my heart and I try to fill it with something or someone other than God. What a truly stupid idea this is. To fill a hole that's shaped for mercy and peace with restlessness and self is such a waste of time. I am content to be alone, I'm just too content to be alone. The passion that I had when my relationship with God with still fresh and new has slowly over the years dwindled away. Mountain top experiences help bring me along, but things taper off. I know this is not fault of my God, but of my own. In a way I'm encouraged though, I know that I can do no thing on my own. I know that I can fill no hole in my spirit with things of the flesh. I know that I was created to have an intimate relationship with my creator. Above all things I know that God doesn't mind if I come back to him a little dusty or broken. I love the idea of thinking of God as the utlimate Dad. He's allows his kids roll around in the mud and mire just to learn that you get muddy when you do that. So I can take refuge in my Heavenly Father, and rest my muddy head on his soft chest.

Overall, a pretty usual day. I find my days to be falling into a pattern once again. Rise and goto the office (if I make it), stay a few hours then back home. Not to say that I'm not working, it's just that I get what needs to be done then take off. What's really bothering me is that I'm depriving myself of sleep and expecting to keep promises the next morning. I really let Beth down I think. I told her we could go running this morning (6:45 am!) around the lake. She's leaving for the Air Force, so running is a great thing for her to be doing. This may sound strange, but I miss running. I told myself that I stopped running because it got to cold. I became to lazy is what really happened. So I find someone who actually wants to go running and I don't make it 'cause I'm a bum. Mark my words though, I will... will go on Wednesday. Imagine me sliding out of my car half awake, only to go stretch (ugh). Then start off on a solid jog, not panzy soild, really solid. About 3/4 of the way through I'll be sweating like a small animal giving a large birth and heaving like some other similie. Then I'll round the final turn and collapse on my car, only to be attacked by the killer geese that are all around that cursed lake. This is my future. -BRiAN

The more I talk with people or do ANYTHING the more I realize that I'm starting to think about Blogging really stupid things. Like, my feet are under my blankets and they're starting to get a bit sweaty. Sick, I know and you probbably don't want to think about sweaty feet but I have to live with them so how do you feel now.

Here's to smelly feet

-BRiAN

Here's the proof, it's 3:30 am.

Update.. *ticker tape noise*
She doesn't hate me.

I just scared someone I don't really know, but I kind of do. I don't know why I do these things...

But first the backstory.. I know this girl through a friend of mine (Josh) her name is Carly. So I'm reading through her blog and for some reason she's posted a picture of herself with her phone# on a piece of paper. So I call it. And here it goes:

*ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Carly?"

"Yeah"

"You put your number on the internet?"

"I did?"

"Yeah"

*pause* "Who is this?" *click*

I hope she doesn't hate me.

Jeff had some friends over last night. We got all crazy and played "nickle poker". I'm pretty sure I came out on top, but I'm not sure. It's funny when you get in that party atmosphere, you don't have to even drink to feel "drunk". I think there's a group drunk thing that goes on. Not very descriptive, but if you've been there you know what I mean. I love having people over but here's the hard part, couples come over. Luckly Jeff's friends that are couples don't really get all lovey.. but when I have my friends over they can't do anything BUT be all happy together (the couples I mean). I don't want to sound pathetic or bitter but seeing them together so happy drives me nuts (aka " I feel 'lonley' "). I thought that after being single for about three years I was doin' ok, but sometimes is just hits you, know what I mean?

I put in my application to Players at the beginning of the week and I'm going to go back on Tuesday to chek up on it. Current financial situation: Broke! Woo! I'm not going to let that get me down (I try not to let anything get me down) God's in control and I'm at peace. I'm blessed to have parents that are willing to help me :). Cool things happening with my sister, she's really coming around to God. It's encouraging to see her so happy again. She's not "alien possesed", as my mom used to say, anymore.

Our iterm Pastor at the church left today. Next Sunday will be the first sunday with our new pastor. I had to opprotunity to show him some houses and he's a great guy. Which remindes me of a funny story. We were looking at a condo with Pastor Kasey and we went upstairs. I wasn't sure if he smelled it, but I walked through what must have been the remnatns of a big 'ol cloud of weed smoke. I mean, these people had some STANKY ganja! Well, we got back in the car and Pastor Kasey was like "Did you smell that weed?!" I almost peed myself I laughed so hard. I'm pretty sure he used to get pretty lit (he had a "Say Yes To Pot" shirt on). I think I'm gonna keep my eye on him.

-BRiAN