i've got alot of growing to do

The last week and a half have been very hard for me. I've said some things that I'm sure were stupid. I've used my pain as an excuse to be mad at God and live however I wanted to. After talking with people about what was going on and why I was acting the way I was the words I were saying began to fall back onto my ears. Simply because someone or some people hurt me doesn't mean I can retaliate in my own life. It's not God's fault. I also thought that I didn't need to change anything about myself. That what people thought was "troubling" or "wrong" about me may be right. Just because I don't think something is wrong about myself doesn't mean it isn't. I'll be meeting with my Pastor on Wednesdays to chat and work through some things in my life. I told a friend that "even if I could change, I wouldn't want to." How arrogant is that? So lame.. And I'm still angry. I'm angry that I was essentially stabbed in the back. I'm angry that people presumed things about me. I'm angry that I could just be tossed away after almost eight years of leadership. It's not fair to be upset about something someone does and not tell them. It's wrong for parents or kids to be concerned/offended about something you are doing and not tell you. It's disrespectful to have a meeting about someone without them being there. I'm so angry about being stabbed in the back. -BRiAN

white water rafting

I went white water rafting with my buddies at Players (the resturant I work at). We drove about 4 1/2 hours to Kern county and rafted for over 5 hours. It was AWESOME! A few people were a little nervous, but I've been once before for my senior trip so there was no fear in me!!! There were a total of about 8 or 9 class 4 rapids. Class 4's aren't so bad, but they're enough to tip someone out of the boat or flip it. Neither happened to me. Although, on the first rapid four out of our seven passengers (including the guide) took a swim in the middle of the rapid. We started barreling for a huge boulder jetting out of the water, bumped harmlessly into it and picked up our passengers. The weather was amazing. It was overcast, but the wind was really warm and the water was just perfect. You could take a quick float down the river while waiting for a rapid, get back in the boat and be dry in a few minutes. There were a few rapids that got me nervous, but the last one was the best. It's called "pinball". They call it pinball because there are about six rocks throughout the rapid so you have to manuver through the beast. We only got a few feet into it when our boat slammed up against a rock and started sinking. We quickly clammered up to the side of the raft that was above the water and and stopped it from sinking under. The boat was in such a position that one side was pinned against the rock. To the front of us was a drop off into another rock just a few feet away, and it would be impossible to row it backwards. If we leaned too far to the left the boat would sink, so we were stuck on the right hand side. Finally, our guide said, "Ok, everyone to the front of the boat" I paused. I said, "There is NO way I am getting into the front of this boat!" because what lay in front of us was just a big hole for the boat to go face first into. But, into the front we went. The boat lurched forward into the swirling water as we clammered back into our positions. The guide immedtly started shouting out directions and we flew through that rapid like nobodys business! We ROCKED that thing! Man, what a blast! -BRiAN

so much.. joy

made me laugh

I just read a title on MSNBC that read: "President defends intelligence team" That's just... stupid.

houstin, we have an update

I saw "League of Extrodinary Gentlemen" tonight. I warn you, don't do what I did. I felt like at times the writer was like "Oh man! I have to fit in background for the characters!" Then, pinned a timeline of the film to a wall and threw darts to decided where that character history should go. Anyway, I didn't like it. Also, we start filming "The Lackey Movie" Thursday! We shoot the hero training flashback and the opening scene. Yay us! I'll be talking about the movie, but not giving stuff away. We have a cast, locations, equipment, and plenty of things to go wrong. I can't wait to start shooting this, seriously.

go me!!!

I like football. I'm not competitive, but I like football.