i've got alot of growing to do

The last week and a half have been very hard for me. I've said some things that I'm sure were stupid. I've used my pain as an excuse to be mad at God and live however I wanted to. After talking with people about what was going on and why I was acting the way I was the words I were saying began to fall back onto my ears. Simply because someone or some people hurt me doesn't mean I can retaliate in my own life. It's not God's fault. I also thought that I didn't need to change anything about myself. That what people thought was "troubling" or "wrong" about me may be right. Just because I don't think something is wrong about myself doesn't mean it isn't. I'll be meeting with my Pastor on Wednesdays to chat and work through some things in my life. I told a friend that "even if I could change, I wouldn't want to." How arrogant is that? So lame.. And I'm still angry. I'm angry that I was essentially stabbed in the back. I'm angry that people presumed things about me. I'm angry that I could just be tossed away after almost eight years of leadership. It's not fair to be upset about something someone does and not tell them. It's wrong for parents or kids to be concerned/offended about something you are doing and not tell you. It's disrespectful to have a meeting about someone without them being there. I'm so angry about being stabbed in the back. -BRiAN