irony, sweet irony     So, I saw the funniest thing today walking out of Dennys. A man, with headphones hanging around his neck, a nasty 'ol hat, sweat pants, a plaid wool shirt unbuttoned, and finally his stomach hanging out of the bottom of his "Gap Athletic" shirt. -BRiAN

Steven's gun was waving between the two of our faces. Not really pointing anywhere, it warbled in his shaking hands. He spoke to us but the words didn't make any sense. I could see him losing control. He cocked back the hammer, I closed my eyes. Everything echoed around me. My hands, legs, body unable to move, like a heavy weight all over me. I could hear our principle crying next to me and Steven shouting. CRACK! My sense came tumbling back into me. I opened my eyes as Mr. Paterson's head landed on my shoulder, the blood from his mouth sliding down my shirt. He sat up, eyes wild and rolling. "I skipped one class, just one Mr. Patterson! It's not like I was going to pass math anyway! It's not like I was ever good in the subject, all the teachers made fun of me and you knew it! Everyone did!" Steven said. His arms hung at his sides, his breathing slowed. Quickly, he grabbed a seat and spun it around, he sat facing us, his hands draped over the back of the chair. Steven stared, unblinking. "Remember my brother Chad? Remember how he used to skip school with us, David? We would goto the creek and smoke just because we could. Or we'd grab a burger and talk about how stupid the other kids were for staying in school." Steven laughed hollowly and shifted his gaze past me. "I haven't seen him in over 2 years. Dad sent him away to a 'correctional school'. Two years, David! He still has two more to go." Steven raised his gun and scratched his cheek with it. The metal scraped along his teenage goatee. I spoke softly. "Steven, why are you doing all this? Mr. Paterson can't bring back your brother, or make your Dad change. He hasn't done anything to you!" Steven glared at me, his lip beginning to curl. "You're wrong, Dave! You're wrong! Do you know what he did this Wednesday? Do you know why I haven't been at school? Haven't been returning your calls or coming over?" Steven prodded Mr. Paterson with his gun barrel. Mr. Paterson looked flinched and looked up. "I'm not going to tell him, I think you should. Go ahead, tell him what you did!" Steven said. Mr. Paterson's eyes slowly slid to me. His faced was red and puffy. "I gave Steven a suspension." he said, his voice weak and wavering. Steven hit him in the head, lurching him forward. "Tell him why, Mr. Paterson!" Mr. Paterson winched. He slowly rose. "He skipped his math class for the third time this week." Just then sirens sounded. I could hear people marching up to the cafeteria doors. The sound of boots and straps. A voice echoed over a megaphone. "Steven, this is captain Williams, let the people inside go. We're not going to hurt you. Send the people in the cafeteria with you out and we can talk." The megaphone clicked off.

I could see the sweat on his forehead. I shifted my stare to the gun barrel, shaking steadily in his vice like hands. My heart felt like it was beating through my shirt. Like it was going to pop out and land in front of me. For a moment we both stood and stared at each other. I started to speak but Steven cut me off. "What do you think you're doing here?! I mean, you're not supposed to be here! This isn't about you. Grab that chair!" he said, motioning with his gun. "Sit down and don't say anything!" Slowly, I reached for the chair, then I froze again. The man sitting in front of me was in a tweed suit, the hair on his balding head was a mess. His tie was loosened around his white shirt which had a few buttons undone. It was our principle. "Mr. Paterson?" I said, almost forgetting where I was. He looked up, tears streaming down his face. He said nothing, just looked at me behind glass eyes and dropped his head to his hands again, sobbing gently. I took off my backpack and sat next to him.

"He has a gun! He has gun!" Yelled a 7th grader as they ran out of the cafeteria doors, almost knocking me down.     Reaching for the already swinging double door, I pulled it open a little and put my eye up to the crack. The cafeteria seemed totally normal, except for a few trays on the floor and a couple of chairs knocked over. Opening the door a little more, I slid my head inside carefully and looked around. I scanned the brown tables, peered through the finger smudged glass where the food workers stand, but still didn't see what the commotion was about. Then I whipped my head around as I heard a chair screeching across the white and green tiled floor. It was Steven, the kid who sat next to me in my math class. It had to be, he always wore a denim jacket and had brown bowl cut hair. I almost opened my mouth to get his attention before he started screaming at someone I couldn't see. "Do you know how much trouble you've gotten me into?! My Dad said 'If you screw up one more time I'll send you to one of those damn schools that deal with kids like you'." Steven screamed, his voice cracking. "Steven, please listen, just sit down and lets talk about this before you do anything rash." said an older mans voice slowly and quietly. "Shut up! Don't even try to talk to me right now, just listen! You have no idea what goes in in my life." Steven said between sobs.     I had to do something. Steven always came over to my house, he had to listen to me. I dropped to my knees and began crawling along side one of the tables. Quickly, I slipped across the way to the other row and stopped at leaned up against the bottom of the food line. I still heard Steven screaming and this other man quietly asking him to calm down. Then I heard something metallic land on a table and the man's voice begin to tremble and plea. My heart began to race as I crawled to the end of the rows of tables. Slowly placing my hands on the edge of a table, I lifted my head up just enough to see what was going on across from me. As my eyes passed the ledge, they focused on the barrel of a gun right in front of my face. "Oh my God." I whispered under my breath. But it was enough.     Steven spun around, his stared at my briefly with wild eyes, his lips curling back. He grabbed for the gun and I lept, my back slamming into the metal food line station. "What do you think you're doing here?!" He screamed. "I do.. plea...." I stammered, the words not able to pass my lips. He clicked the hammer back and my heart stopped. His face was like stone, "Stand up." he said, his eyes shining wildly. Slowly, I put my hands up and stood. Inspiration More to come

and the beat goes on...

    Full sail sent me their schools information packet the other day and it came in the mail! They're in Florida and they have a fab-o fantastic-o wonderful-o(?) film cirriculum. Hopefully, I'll be able to visit in May. So they raised my wages at Players! That's good..

    eSomeday, I may be a filmmaker and that would be awesome.

-BRiAN

pity for the cows

    It rained today! Only for a short time, but it was good hard rain. I drove over to Alicia's house to pickup a costume for the birthday party I'm going to on Saturday. We're going to get in a limo and everything. On the way to Alicia's there is a pasture where a bunch of cows are, and it got me thinking. I feel bad for the poor cows. If it rains, they can't go inside and have a cup of hot chocolate. If it's really hot, the only thing they can do is try to find some shade. They do have it pretty easy overall, though. Walking around, munching on tasty, crisp grass. While we miserable humans run around all day just keep grass in our mouths. I don't care if we kill cows to eat 'em, but they shouldn't have to stand out in the rain.

-BRiAN

when blue people sing

    So, I'm watching the fifth element. I just saw the scene where the blue diva girl sings. So awesome! I know it's fake, but she sings so awesome, if you can you should download the diva techno mix it's so sweet. One thing I really dig about Bruce Willis is that in his movies the dude gets totally messed up. for instance:

Die Hard


Die Hard II


Die Hard, With A Vengance

And finally,

Me.

Face it, the man is TOUGH.

-BRiAN

send in the (evil) clowns

For all you clown lovers: http://www.scottsmind.com/evil_clown.php

-BRiAN

the choice is yours (aka: things i come up with while getting silverware at work)

    If you could have a swimming pool full of anything, what would it be?

-BRiAN

neck be gone

    Update! After two days my neck has returned to normal. The same thing happened that I blogged about last time. Werid. It really really hurt. The full story, coming soon.

-BRiAN

nooooooooooooooo, please nooooooooo

    It's all over folks! We might as well blow everything up. Game over, no more quarters. Society has hit an all time LOW. I just saw a commercial for a reality T.V. show called "Mr. Personality". Here's what it is. A girl meets 20 guys with these funky latex masks on. She goes out with them and gets to know them just on their personality. So far, so stupid. Here's where things get really bad. Monica Lewinsky is hosting the show. NOOOOO! Why, in this country do we make celebrities out of adulterers? WHY?! I know they deserve a second chance and we all sin, but don't celebrate it!

    Also, the "Married By America" couples are getting married. Someone says "no" at the altar (big surprise). These realty T.V. shows are starting to drive me nuts. I don't like them anymore. Bad.

-BRiAN

I don't know why I'm doing this. But I recorded this on Jeff's laptop to put in a CD for a good friend of mine who left to go back home. It's Simon and Garfunkel's song: "For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her" It's one of the first songs I ever learned of theirs and one of the first songs I ever learned on my guitar. So, I've been singing it for about six years.. and it still sounds like this ;). Anyway, if you want to hear it, right click here and select "Save Target As"

Remember, this was recorded on Jeff's laptop with just this laptop mic that is built INTO the laptop. I added a VERY slight echo and that was it. Enjoy!

-BRiAN (and Garfunkel)

chasing the blue ball

    I had an acting coach in L.A., Clay Banks. As part of our acting training, Clay would have use perform certain activities to expand our awareness and become better actors. I'd like to share these with you so that you may expand you awareness and become a better person.
    We take everyday senses for granted. The sense of sight, smell, taste, sound, touch. Our bodies have become so accustom to them (unless you're blind, in which case I'd be amazed since you're reading this.) Something I like to do is start to experience one of my five senses again. This week, I'd like you to try this exercise. Grab your favorite soft drink (I find it works best with Coca Cola, you'll see why). If you don't drink soda, try something with carbonation, ya know.. fizzy. If you don't like fizzy stuff, then forget about it. The next time you decide to suck down the soda of your choice imagine this. You crack open the can.. close your eyes and focus on the feelings that come about. The wind on your face, the cold can against your warm fingers. The sound of the soda fizzing just below your chin. Now, open your mouth and pour some soda in. Before you swallow, before you do anything, stop and experience the sensation of the fizz popping and burning your tongue. Taste the different flavors in the soda and let it wash around in your mouth. Really take that moment in. Now swallow and relish the burning down your throat and the watering in your eyes. And just like that, poof, you've done it! You've had an experience! Lemme know how it goes.

    So Jeff and I went to the gym again today. Actually, let me back up. We went to the store yesterday and bought a whole cartload of healthy food. Our mothers would be so proud. It only took them twenty some odd years to get their boys to eat right. If you were a passer by in the store you might have seen chicken, whole wheat bread, low fat milk, low fat yogurt, orange juice etc etc.. Good stuff. I just want to say how thankful I am that Jeff said chunky peanut butter is OK on the list. Thank God for the Earl of Peanut. Moving on. I'm glad to say that eating healthy can be really ok! It's not a life filled with nasty food that tastes like cardboard. Luckily, Jeff and I like to cook so it's all good. Meanwhile, back at the gym.
    We did the abs and cardio work today. Some people hate doing ab workouts, I love 'em. I love standing up after finishing the workout set and feeling my stomach all tight. It's like it's all clenched up. I like doing crunches and feeling my abs burn and looking at my face all scrunched up. It's like music to my ears when my body lets off an unauthorized grunt. I also dig the sweat. There are a few kinds of sweat:

- Lazy back-of-your-shirt-in-the-car sweat
- At work self-conscious sweat
- Hard work don't-wanna-be-here sweat
- First date sweat
(the worst of the worst, a.k.a. "If nervous was a bodily function, it would be this sweat" sweat.)
- Caught in a lie sweat (you know what I mean)

And finally:
- Beaded, soothing, rolls slowly down the sides of your face, workout sweat.

    I dig on the last kind of sweat, big time. I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I find myself bummed because I missed a day. What's really got my knickers in a happy twist is that the gym has two racquetball courts! I haven't played in like 4 years and I LOVE the game! So, for our 25-30 min cardio workout section, Jeff and I decided to play racquetball, which mad me so happy because I've wanted to play racquetball with Jeff since we moved out. Unfortunately, the final count was one to three in Jeff's favor. I'll live. Speaking of increasing your awareness, racquetball makes everything else seem so benign. I mean, I got in my car right after my game and driving seemed like a weird slow-motion thing. Nothing seemed real.. I guess it was the workout euphoria. Whatever it is, chasing the blue ball really did the trick.

-BRiAN

lackey movie update

    Justin and I just finished working with our storyboard artist, Maggie, on the "Lackey Movie". We finished scene one tonight, Maggie had to leave because she was WAY tired. I am so impressed on how this girl works. She's so talented. I'm getting excited because when we get the first three scenes storyboarded we can start fundraising. I'll upload some pics of what we've done, when I can.

-BRiAN

workin' on the solution

Update... dishes done. Praise God. Stinky sink, my redemption.

-BRiAN

my problem

    So, I found out what my problem is. It's downtime. The time that I have where I really don't have any plans or important things to do. There are always things to do. For example, I have a sink and counter full of dishes behind me, a living room that's messy, my room that has more clothes than carpet, and a car that could use a wash. Instead of spending my "free time" drawing closer to God, or doing my chores I spend it in stupid or sinful ways. I realized this while going to the bathroom.. I realize a lot of things in the bathroom. I was there and thinking to myself:

"After this shower, I really don't have anything to do."

It's not really that there is a lack of things to do, it's a lack of things I want to do. This area of my life is driving me nuts. The more I think about it the more frustrated I get with myself. Frustrated with my lack of motivation, responsibility, and maturity. It's true that when you have learned to take care of your things God grants you greater things to take care of because you have been a good steward of what He has given you. Awesome thought if it's put into proper practice. So I'm gonna finish this now and go do some things that need to be done for the sake of doing them. The importance of a bathroom in a persons house is vastly overlooked.

-BRiAN

yet another person that is "offended"

    So I'm watching CNN. They did a report not in Iraq.. it was here in the USA. If you're not familiar about what's going on, people are putting up yellow ribbons to remember the fallen, lost, and serving. Many of these people are related to, or know who that ribbon is for. A man in some small town somewhere in the U.S. is "offended" by the ribbons and is upset they are breaking some kind of city code. He says he will form a group to put a stop to the ribbons. I just had to share this because it is so STUPID. Granted, the guy has the right to be offended by the ribbons. The guy has the right to form a committee. But in doing these things we have to see that he is infringing on the rights of other people.. because of he is offended by yellow ribbons. I can't express enough how lame this really is. For me, this is another example of how people's personal convictions and offenses can royally mess up or limit others. As Christians, we are to be at peace with one another, we are to not cause one another to stumble, and we are to consider others better than ourselves. Unfortunately, some of our brothers and sisters think this means they can impose their will upon other brothers and sisters. I think these things to both ways. I think we should show love to one another. That to me means that if you see a brother or sister doing something that offends you, show some love. Don't just walk up or say

"That offends me, you should stop."

"Don't you think you shouldn't be doing that?"

How about instead:

"Could I talk with you for a second? Just a minute ago, you were . And I wanted to let you know that when you do that it offends me because . I think think you're a bad person or anything and you don't have to stop but please don't do it around me because it makes me uncomfortable."

    Quick breakdown. Talking with someone like this isn't confrontational, it's conversational. Also, if you can't tell them the reason it bothers you, just don't say anything. Because someone can't give a reason for an offense, it's time for them to re-evaluate. Also, be open to hearing their side of the story before making any assumptions. Always wait to hear their side always always! So important.

    Why the previous examples specifically? Because I think they point out how judgmental they sound. Seriously, that's what it comes down to being judgmental. Imposing your judgment upon someone because of an action they are doing. There are, again, of course situations where some things are just wrong. I'm talking about common sense. What's a personal conviction to me? A personal conviction is something that someone believes that is not necessarily bottom line truth. Example, girls should only wear dresses, men shouldn't have long hair, certain beats in music are "evil", certain types of music are "evil", and the list goes on. I hope you get my drift. It just drives me nuts. I'm trying to show and feel the love, I really am, but it's hard. More to come.

-BRiAN

gym in greek means hell

    Although my legs are feeling better, the pain remains!! AHH! I'll live. I feel bad because I didn't goto Youth Group on Wednesday, my legs just hurt too much. Unfortunatley, my church has decided to kick me out. So I'm going to put puppies in the church overnight. Just kidding.

    Still loving working at Players. What's really interesting is picking up lines in people's conversation.

"Of course you love him, he's your father."

"Well, maybe you should get a real job"

"That new host guy is weird.. I mean really wierd."

    So, pretty much my life right now, Players, working out, CNN and the War in Iraq. I need to get back with God. I just realized that. I'll start tonight.

-BRiAN

i threw up today.

    Jeff and I are doing a three month workout/diet program that he found in his "Muscle and Fitness" magazine. I am so stoked about it. It's not that I'm obese or anything, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for this kid to lose a few pounds and tone up. We went "Champions gym" around 11:30 this morning and got started. I stretched then got warmed up on the treadmill. I love running and was pretty surprised how much I enjoyed the treadmill as opposed to running outside. I do miss the beauty of the lake, though. From there I went to the free weights. This first week I'm working on my lower body I guess. Well, not quite a guess, I'm quite sure of it. I have no doubt that tomorrow I'll be like a puddle of goo sliding out of bed. I don't think I'll ever be able to use my legs again. .... and the Oscar goes to ....

    For breakfast I had oatmeal, banana and orange juice. I was reminded of this because it ended up all over the bathroom mirror and sink. Gross? Yeah, tell me about it. There's nothing like sitting in the leg extension machine, your legs aching and your body covered in sweat feeling like you have to puke your guts out. Then I started working out. Just kidding. It is true though that you feel better afterwards. I didn't finish my last two exercises, but tomorrow I will. Until then, here's to clogging the drain!

-BRiAN